Ending Relationships

Most people understand that ending a long-term committed relationship or getting a divorce is a painful process and often the last resort which is considered when you’ve done everything possible to resolve problems with your partner. Sometimes however, it is just too late for change to occur and this usually happens when one or both individuals have emotionally ‘moved on’.
It can take a number of years for individuals and families to get over the pain and trauma of separation and divorce.
Understanding why your relationship failed is the first step toward recovery. Many people get locked into wondering whose fault it is which is understandable, but it may be more constructive to focus on the relationship by asking:

• What made the relationship good?
• How have we changed?
• What external factors affected our relationship?
• What stopped us from overcoming our differences?

As well as the emotional turmoil that accompanies the end of a relationship, there are many practicalities to consider such as ensuring your children are transitioned through the separation as effectively as possible, managing the finances, telling parents and other family members and friends as well as deciding how much you really want to say.

But personal survival is often the most neglected at this time. After a relationship breakdown, many people find themselves struggling with feelings of low self esteem and self confidence and with so many things to organise it can be easy to forget to give yourself time for your own feelings. Be gentle with yourself at this time and gratefully receive all the support you can get from friends and family.

Counselling can be helpful during the early stages of separation to allow you the space to work through all these issues. If you’d like further information on how counselling can help you, please contact me.